The decision to end a relationship does not come easily or rapidly. Over the years, I have seen many couples who were in serious trouble. Most couples try over and over to make the relationship work. In counseling it should be determined if this is a temporary situation or indicative of permanent distance between two partners.
The decision to part can come as: a Rational solution to end an unhappy relationship; a Response to a stressful event such as an illness, loss of loved one, an affair, or a major change in one's life or personality; Differences in
Lifestyle/ Values; Abuse or Addiction; Incompatible goals/ morals.
When assessing the health of the relationship , I will often ask couples, "what would it take for them to desire to stay in the relationship"? This will only work if both parties desire to stay rather than feel obligated. Do you LIKE and RESPECT the other? Couples can love one another, yet they must also Like and Respect their partner. When a couple cannot be together in a consistently pleasant way and has tried again and again they may be holding on because of "what was" in the past or the belief of "what could be" in the future. For most couples like this, they realize that their current reality is most painful. It take courage to leave the familiar and let go of the dream that partners have for the marriage. Individuals often settle in their relationships out of fear of the unknown, worry about how the decision to end the marriage will affect the children, or other social and financial circumstances.
Divorce can also bring with it tremendous opportunity for growth: the end of tension in the home and the relief that accompanies the release of an unhappy marriage. When proper support is in place, this leads to the creation of a healthy new foundation for the individuals and family.
I assist my clients in creating nourishing relationships. We don't have to stay with people and situations that no longer meet our needs. We often settle, waiting for years for things to get better! It is an honor to assist my clients in experiencing healthy relationshp transitions.
I have also found that choosing effective legal representation and building a powerful working relationship with your attorney is key to peace in the process. I would be honored to share this valuable information with you and specialize in assisting my clients in navigating the emotional and legal aspects, crafting a plan of action to create calm throughout the process.
The Break up of a relationship can be stressful for both parties and any children. Individuals are coping with the shattering effects of the emotional, financial, and social disruption of their lives. Divorce is so powerful because this disruption occurs in so many areas at once: loss of spouse and also a loss of important routines, roles and relationships, identity.
Legal -relates to children, home and possessions
Family- relates to the children, in laws, grandparents
Sexual - Identity and routine
Emotional- identity and significance
Parental- hopes and roles
Companionship-interests and friends
Most couples do not come to a mutual decision, while both may feel unhappy, usually one partner is more ready to take the step. Regardless of who initiates, both parties are now facing a complex process of adjustment which ultimately with proper support has the potential for much growth and peace of mind. In time, most individuals realize when they get a little distance from the relationship that ending the marriage was indeed a loving decision for all concerned. In truth, most individuals report being happier having moved forward. Children usually also feel relieved as their home life is calmer and their parents are more content.